It’s been quite a quiet start to the year, beerfest-wise. But while there haven’t been back-to-back events every weekend, two of the country’s larger festivals have already taken place. I did a write-up of the Clarens Craft Beer Festival over on the League of Beers blog and a short piece on the Constantia Craft Beer Project for SA HotRods Magazine, so I’ve decided to do things a little differently here. It’s time for Festival Face-off, Brewmistress style:

BEER – CHOICE

Both fests had a similar number of stands offering a similar amount of beer. Clarens certainly gets points for keeping things local, but if only a handful of local breweries is going to be invited, then I think a prerequisite should be that they brew a special batch just for the festival. It’s a long way to travel to find beers you can get at the breweries and I think those that make the pilgrimage should be rewarded with one-off brews alongside the standards.

Constantia was less restrictive in who they allowed to attend, but did the festival suffer for it? I don’t think so. I think including the big boys (by which I mean the larger microbreweries), the contract brewers and indeed, the imports, only raises the bar. Plus in Clarens, there was one important ingredient missing from a gathering of beer nerds – where are all the IBUs up north? Come on guys, don’t be shy with the hops! (A notable exception being Copper Lake’s IPA).

The result: In terms of beer styles, Constantia just gets the edge, taking the first point in this incredibly exciting contest.

BEER – QUALITY

Clarens made a noble attempt to screen for off-flavours, but the couple of beers singled out as sour or slightly iffy on day one were still being sipped and sold throughout the festival. Even if you exclude the imports at Constantia (and I’m not sure that we should), the Western Cape beers on the whole just seemed a little “cleaner” than those up-country. You might hate me for saying it, but I’m just adhering to my resolution to be more honest. On the whole the beers in Clarens were awesome, but alongside one or two off flavours, there were a fair few brews that were “muddled”, too light or simply mislabelled (IPAs being erroneously called Imperial and the like).

The result: Constantia takes round two, despite also having  few “muddled” beers and the occasional odd aroma. On the whole, the beers were crisp, clean and it was clear which style they were brewed to.

CROWDS

Both fests were well attended but not overly packed. That said, some of the Clarens queues got a little long on day two, so I’m deducting a point for making me wait 10 minutes for a beer. Clarens always attracts a charming mix of beer geeks and picnicking families. The Constantia crowd was marginally more raucous – at least two bachelor parties and a bunch of people doing shots – shame on the stands offering the opportunity for the latter I say 

The result: I’m a grumpy old beer drinking git, so while I dislike queues, I do like beard-wearing beer nerds sporting hoptastic slogans on their shirts. Score one for Clarens.

ENTERTAINMENT

For me, bands at a beer fest should be background noise, not a reason for me to raise my voice to the pint pullers (god, I really am a miserable old sod aren’t I?) . Constantia kept the speakers away from the beer tent, so that puts them in good stead. Clarens certainly had a great variety of acts, but alas the only one that I really remember was belting out a kind of thrash metal tune. My main memory of the Constantia stage? The good old Rivertones jamming away as their stage was transformed into an island, while beer drinkers huddled out of the rain in the beer tent. Irie, mon.

The result: It’s a win-win for Constantia, great tunes at the right volume and bands that played on, despite the downpours.

FOOD

It’s not cheap to eat at a beerfest these days, but R10 for the world’s smallest slice of pizza (Clarens) was taking it a tad too far. Even the vendors realised they’d scrimped a little, advertising Saturday’s steak sandwich as being “bigger than yesterday”. Constantia embraced Cape Town’s latest food crush, bringing in a half dozen food trucks for the weekend. It gave a good range of edibles and offered decent value for money.

The result: An easy point for Constantia. I was disappointed with the Clarens selection, which had improved immensely last year. On the up-side, it does encourage people out of the square and into the surrounding restaurants – good for local business and for a more varied weekend away.

LOGISTICS

First order of the day at Constantia was to comment on the lack of signage – you really didn’t know there was a beerfest happening unless you were already heading there. Plus we somehow ended up in the tennis club car park, thanks to an absence of ‘your pint is this way’ type signs. The other complaint was that brewbuck, the official currency of the fest (and the only way to buy consumables) were on sale in booklets of R100 only. What’s wrong with selling smaller quantities, or even individual brewbucks? At the end of the fest I ended up eating a vegetarian samich, being a buck short of the steak on ciabatta I was really hankering after. But who wants to buy another R100 of vouchers just to spend R5 on a piece of cow?

Clarens likewise had currency issues – I’ve seen a couple of complaints online regarding the refusal to refund cash for unspent tokens at the end of the event, which probably just encourages people to have that ‘one for the road’ when they should have given up and gone home.

The result: Both festivals were really well organised and it’s a tough one to call, but the slight advantage, and therefore the point, goes to Clarens.

TOILETS

My second favourite topic of conversation is an important factor at any beer festival and one that people can’t pay enough attention to. Clarens’ loos were clean throughout and despite loooong lines for the ladies on day two, I was mostly impressed. Not so on the male side of things, where the urinals apparently overflowed leaving a semi-swamp of drunkards’ pee.

Constantia went for old-school portaloos. Clean enough, but by the end of the day they do tend to pong a bit. Queues were average, but I have one word to remember for next year: soap!

The result: I’d vote for the Clarens crappers in a heartbeat, but the literal bog outside the mens’ bogs ruined one of our group’s day so much that he retreated to a nearby pub for a pint of Pilsner Urquell. I declare this round a draw.

THE VERDICT

I have to say that both festivals were very well-run and hugely enjoyable. In the end, for me, Constantia just took the lead, really thanks to the beer, but I’m sure others among you would disagree. Please share the highs and lows of either fest in the comments box below so that beer festivals in SA can just keep getting better!

Note: This post first appeared on The Craft Beer Project. I am not an employee of TCBP and tried to keep this write-up unbiased. I am friends with the organisers of both events and in the interests of disclosure, received free tickets to both…